The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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