I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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