I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
