Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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