: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
