I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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