I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize