also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
