everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
