this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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