Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
