party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
