I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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