ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
