im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
