i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize