one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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