I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
