She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is classic penis vs brain.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
