i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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