Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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