last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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