i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize