Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
