You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
