I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
