just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize