with your own penis?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
