I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
