i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
