Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is my gift to your gina
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
