I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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