I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
bring money and cleavage
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
