The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
