i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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