I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
