News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
