Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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