drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
