I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
