please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
