I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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