I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
