My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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