I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You took a bar mat shot.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
