He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Still dying that you shit outside
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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