i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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