what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
