The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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