Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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