I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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