You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
