i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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