Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
