Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
