I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
