I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
