oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
