I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
