How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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