Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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