HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
