So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
