Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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