if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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