D3 body, D1 cock
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
