There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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