I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
