I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize