First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
