He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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