piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
