sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MIDGETS
????
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
