Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
