I'm going to jail i love you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
