and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
