Quick, to the slutcave!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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