sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
