i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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