WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize